The Story of My Glasses

Over the last two and a half years, I've had one crisis or another regarding my glasses. The timing coincides perfectly with getting pregnant with Helen, so I don't think its a coincidence.

December 26, 2005. I lost one pair of glasses. I thought they were gone forever and get a new pair in March 2006. During this entire time I survived on just contacts, which is a miserable experience for the visually challenged. Only in August 2007, do I find the original pair of glasses. They were in a basket in my bathroom. I found them because I was now pregnant with Patrick. Since I am the pukiest (is that a word?) pregnant person around, I go into the bathroom to throw up. I take the second pair off and stick them in a basket while said vomiting occurs. When I go to retrieve them, I find both pairs of glasses. Funny thing, in December 2005 I was preggers with Helen and had no idea. I recall a similiar vomiting experience on the 26th and suspect that I had done the same thing with the original pair.

From August 2007 until January 2008, I lived happily with two pairs of glasses. It was a luxury to have a spare. The problem is that Helen believes glasses to be toys. I blame several people for this. You know who you are...grandparents and great-grandparents. That's right, you've let Helen play with your glasses because it makes her happy. And let's face it, its cute. But I've had to deal with the fallout.

January 2008. Helen takes a pair of glasses off my face and throws them on the floor. The lenses pop out, but I rig them to continue on. A week later, she grabs them again and drops them. The lenses shatter. Said glasses are no longer functional. Thank goodness for the spare. The spare got me all the way through the end of this March. Then Helen bent the ear pieces and snapped one off. Not reparable. I survive for a week just wearing the glasses at night with only one ear piece. And then, through no fault of Helen's, I drop the glasses and the lenses pop out. I realize that its time for new glasses.

Easy enough, you say? Oh, but you don't have a toddler and a newborn! So last week, I load up Helen, Patrick, and thank goodness, Me-Me and we head off to the eye doctor. An hour later, mission accomplished, my new glasses are ordered. I just had to wait for the call that they arrived. Meanwhile, again, just trying to survive with contacts. My eyes hate me. Have you ever slept in contacts for a week?

Well, today I got the call. Finally, new glasses! Which the lady assures me are indestructible. My eyes are aching and I'm desperate for the specs. What to do, what to do. So I decide, what's the worst that could happen? I'm loading up these kiddos on my own and we're going to pick up my glasses. We load up the car with no incident. Make the 30 minute drive with no incident. Get everyone out of the car and into the office with only minor incident (mostly because I can't navigate the stroller and got it caught in the door...hint to readers, help people with strollers open doors). Of course the screaming waited until we hit the office. Luckily they rush me out of there (new glasses in hand!) and we head out (again getting caught in the door). It takes about 10 minutes to load everyone in, collapse the stroller, get it in, get everyone pacis, water, snacks, etc. and head home. The screaming continued the entirety of the drive (Helen wanted a "treat" and Patrick hates his carrier...fun times). But the whole drive home I was patting myself on the back. I was wearing my rocking new glasses (which Helen will never touch...grandparents are you listening? Glasses aren't toys!) and we are heading home with no major embarrassment. I felt like I won the Nobel Prize of mothering. Two kids, an errand accomplished, all in under 2 hours. I measure my success much differently than I used to. But it is incredibly rewarding blogging with my toddler-resistant glasses. That's a successful day.